Thursday, September 01, 2005

Rishyasringa (The conclusion)

So far....
Minister: "One more meeting and I will scream."
King of Anga: Busy having orgies.
Smartass: "I am fucked if the Booty Squad does not come through."
Booty Squad: "We kicked some serious ass."
Rishyasringa: "So many women, so little time."
Vibhandaka: (Farts). "Oh fuck! Here I go again."
Horses: "Are we there yet?"

Booty squad finally reaches the palace along with Rishyasringa.
King of Anga: "Welcome to Anga son. It is our pleasure to have you here."
Rishyasringa:"Thank you your majesty."
Kinga of Anga:"You are welcome to stay here as long as you want. I have one favor to ask from you though. Will you be able to hook us up with Swarga's water department?"
Rishyasringa:"Sure thing"
Booty Fool pinches Rishyasringa.
Rishyasringa:"Ow, I mean what's in it for me?"
King:"What's on your mind?"
Rishyasringa whispers to Booty Fool: "What do I ask for?"
Booty Fool (whispers):"Princess's hand in marriage."
Rishyasringa : "What? And kill my social life before it could even begin?."
Booty Fool (groan):"Okay first of all, the King's social life is not anywhere close to over, secondly have you even seen Princess Santa?, thirdly you promised me and don't even get me started with the horns on your head."
Rishyasringa:"Okay okay! You don't have to be so fucking rude."
King:"Ahem! So do you know what you want?"
Rishyasringa:"Yes, I want your daughter's hand in marriage."
Courtiers: Gasp!
Smartass:"Damn those bitches are smart!"
All heads turn to the King.
King looks at Queen. All heads turn to the Queen.
Queen:"He is smart, well educated, and damn he is hot....sure Santa should marry him."
The King agrees and the very next day water starts flowing in Anga again.

Just when things seem to settle, Vibhandaka arrives in the palace and he looks mighty pissed.
Minister whispers to Smartass:'Wow he got here fast. He must have some kind of magical powers."
Vibhandaka furiously:"You thought you could use my contacts in the water department and I won't find out?"
Minister:"Nevermind"
King:"Vibhandaka please calm down. You must be tired from the journey. Here let me make you an offering of some of my finest happy potion."
Vibhandaka eyes the happy potion. Rishyasringa steps in arm in arm with Princess Santa.
Rishyasringa:"Yo Dad! Wassup?"
Vibhandaka (very pissed) :"Thats it! You guys are going down."
Minister:"Before you curse us for eternal damnation there is something we want you to see. Smartass go ahead."
Smartass goes near Vibhandaka with a platter covered with a red silk cloth. He unveils the cloth to reveal Vibhandaka's personal diary.
Vibhandaka: "Oh fuck!"
Smartass:"I loved the drawings."
Rishyasringa:"What is it?"
Vibhandaka:"Nothing!" Looks at King."So you were saying, you have the vintage happy potion?"
King:"Oh yes, certainly."

And there you have it....
Rishyasringa: Enjoying marital bliss
Santa: "Whats with the horns?"
Booty Squad minting money in their upscale Booty Parlour: "Totally awesome."
Booty Fool starts up her own production in Angallywood:"Like action!"
Courtiers:"We are still underpaid!"
Minister:Snore
Vibhandaka: Hic hic
King: "Holy fuck Vibhandaka...how is this position humanly possible?"
Queen: "Oh yeah I've done it that way before."
King:"Oh really?"
Smartass:"Shit I think I forgot my undies in the queen's bedroom"

---The End----

If you are interested in reading a brief non-CCSL version of this story go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rishyasringa


19 comments:

Ardra said...

crys!
that was real fun..
and I had heard that the anga King was called "Lomapada"-
in the mallu movie- the interesting part was the "booty fool" was the daughter of the Anga King born of the "madame" of the booty squad- and the madame makes the King promise that she would be married to Rishyashringa before setting out for the forests- but the cunning minister connives and plots such that the booty fool gets killed in a stampede celebrating the rains-
the minister's role was brilliant...the songs were beautiful.

waiting for the next :-)
ardra

Crystal blur said...

Hey Ardra,
Wow, you gave me yet another version to this story. I've already read 3 versions of the story. Its just all very fascinating to me.
-Crys :)

Ardra said...

p.s: and if I remember right I think the King's daughter Shantha was actually an adopted one- she was "donated" by Dasaratha - King of Ayodhya- thats how they depicted in the movie- the queen was a step mother who was not very favourably inclined towards Shanta. she actually insinuates that the Kingdom of Anga was unlucky for having adopted the latter and hence the famine.
ardra

Crystal blur said...

Ardra,
In all the versions I read, (including C.Rajagopalachari's translation of Mahabharata) Santa is the King's daughter. Since I haven't read the original, I don't know which of these is Vyasa's version. Nevertheless I like all the versions. Can you give me the name of the movie you mention, would like to watch it if I get a chance.
Crys:)

Nithya Swaminathan said...

Great series Crys..:) Part 5 was so damn funny that the conclusion dint live upto it..;-)

Waiting for the next series..:)

Ardra said...

Crys!
the name of the movie is "Vyshali" and the screenplay is M.T.Vasudevan Nair. Direction is Hariharan , I think.
ardra

India Whining said...

Crys,

Goes without saying that this series was rib-tickingly funny. That aside, the bumper sticker message littered footer on Ur blog page is another thing which brought a smile on my face..

Looking forward to Ur next series.

yet another1 said...

absolutely hilarious crystal!!
kept reminding me for some reason of austin powers :)

SeaSwallowMe said...

this was a load of fun, crys .... i caught up with all the episodes just now - it ended way too soon, in my opinion :-P

Peppy said...

aw man..that was soo fun..like you thinking of publishing such stuff for the booty squaders and such? cant begin to imagine the reaction though :-p second ssm on that one, ended way too soon..

De-Silva said...

Crys,

this was ahsam! don't know the original...and frankly...dont care...! your version is my original!

wonly wone queschun....why all ur story heroes names difficult to speel and pronounce? :D

Cheers.

DS

Rads said...

A-m-a-z-i-n-g only!

:)
Rads

Doh said...

Hilarious! great series!

Crystal blur said...

Nithya,
What? Ya didn't like the conclusion :O
IW,
Finally! Somebody who noticed the footer :)
Ano,
Lol @ Austin Powers... Yeah, its prolly bcoz of all the sex jokes.
SSM & Peps,
Soweee but had to make it stop. I was more focussed on this series than my graduate school :)
De,
Gives a high five. Ya liked my version da best yay! Thats what I'm talking about:) As far as the names go...well blame Vyasa...but have to admit I love the name "Yavakrida"...its got that oomph. Say the name aloud and you'll know what I am talking aout.."Yavakridaaah"..wow!
Rads, Doh...
Thanks guys!!!
-Crys :)

MotoRama said...

Awww!Looks like u held back on lot of details..was expecting a kickass climax with kingdom surronded by mother deer..wanting her son back..while the bootylicious army "riding" the deer to make more Rishyaringa's..but i guess u were following a real story(which i had no idea of)...Enjoyed it.!Will read ur Mahabharatha series in the weekend..!

loveall said...

that's a rocking spoof.

Would like to read ur spoofs on the following -

Wedding of draupadi & the aftermath.

Release of 16000 girls from Jarasandha's prison by Krishna & the effects

etc.....

Sandhya Tenneti said...

loved all ur posts on rishyasringa- u r super talented!

Satya said...

hey crys, you were saying you'd like to read the original? you can get it here (along with the rest of km ganguli's english translation of the mahabharata):

http://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/m03/m03110.htm

it's actually pretty short; just 4 sections (chapters).

Satya said...

re loveall: the 16,000 girls were actually released by krishna when he killed the asura bhauma aka naraka. when krishna took bhima to magadha, and bhima killed jarasandha, they released lots of kings that jarasandha was keeping captive (he wanted to use them in human sacrifice).