My first day in kindergarden (Rated PG 13 for violence)

I am four and life is changing fast and I am very confused. The first day to nursery school was such a shock for me. I don’t like it too much. I am stuck with some 20 cranky kids who are mostly yelling and crying. I decided something terrible is about to happen to all of us so began crying loudly as well. Who are these people? Why am I here? What do they want? I feel like I am in some sort of boot camp because of all the violence we are subjected to. What you are about to read is something no child should have to go through. This is what we were taught in nursery school.

Piggy On The Railway
Piggy on the railway,

Picking up stones,

Along came an engine

And broke poor Piggy's bones.

"Oh" said Piggy,

"That's not fair"

"Oh" said the Engine,

"I don't care"

I felt bad for the piggy but maybe I shouldn’t. Like the wise engine driver said, if you see someone stupid enough to walk on the railway tracks, they deserve to get run over and I should not care.

The Lion and the Unicorn
The Lion and the Unicorn

Were fighting for the crown;

The Lion beat the Unicorn

All about the town.

Some gave them white bread

And some gave them brown;

Some gave them plum cake

And drummed them out of town!

I guess I should beat the crap out of the neighboring kid for his action figure and I might get some plum cake in the process.

I Love Little Pussy
I love little pussy,

Her coat is so warm.

And if I don't hurt her,

She'll do me no harm.

So I'll not pull her tail,

Nor drive her away.

But pussy and I,

Very gently will play.

My teacher seemed to enjoy this one a little too much, wonder why?

Kookaburra
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree.

Merry, merry king of the bush is he.

Laugh, Kookaburra,

Laugh, Kookaburra,

Gay your life must be.

I told Uncle Mishra that he is gay.

Little Bo Peep
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep

And can't tell where to find them.

Leave them alone, And they'll come home,

Wagging their tails behind them.

Does that mean no one will look for me if I get lost? I feel cold and alone.

To Market, to Market
To market, to market to buy a fat pig,

Home again, home again, jiggetty jig.

To market, to market to buy a fat hog,

Home again, home again, jiggetty jog.

After I learned this one I called Mishra aunty…well fat Mishra aunty. I got into a lot of trouble. I am confused.

Goosey, Goosey, Gander
Goosey, goosey, gander,

Whither shall I wander?

Upstairs, and downstairs,

And in my lady's chamber.

There I met an old man

Who wouldn't say his prayers!

I took him by the left leg

And threw him down the stairs.

People who don't believe in god and people who are old deserve to be thrown down the stairs.

Five little monkeys
Five little monkeys swinging from a tree,

Teasing Mr crocodile, "You can't catch me"

Along came the crocodile, as quietly as can be

and SNAP! Went the crocodile,

and then there were:

Four little monkeys swinging from a tree…
Continue until there are no little monkeys.

If you want to pick on someone make sure they are weak and powerless to get back at you, like grandpa. Monkeys are stupid.

I dedicated the next poem to Mishra aunty the last time she came over. I even added my special touch. I substituted Mishra aunty for elephant to make the poem more personal.

An Elephant Walks Like This and That
An elephant walks like this and that,

He's terribly tall and he's terribly fat.

He's got no fingers, He's got no toes,

But goodness gracious What a LONG nose!

I think Mishra aunty was deeply touched by my gesture. She was speechless.

Mom said watching TV is doing no good to me. So I have to go learn a new nursery rhyme now, about a baby falling from the cradle.