Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Chapter 6: Forest hump

Kunti was a 16-year-old young and restless celebrity socialite. She was always the talk of the town. Her sizzling looks and lavish lifestyle kept her in the public eye. Her foster parents had initiated her into this opulent lifestyle through the frequent banquets that they hosted. With all the parties they hosted they also had frequent houseguests. One of the houseguests was a businessman called Durvasa. He was an enterprising businessman and had come up with the very first dating service at the time. Pleased by the hospitality he received at the stay he left Kunti a little gift.

Durvasa: “I am leaving you with a free trial offer voucher on my new dating service enterprise. Send in the voucher and you will be able to use the service free of charge.”
Kunti: “Aren’t dating services for losers?”
Durvasa: “Trust me, this is the next big thing.”

Kunti’s curiosity got the better of her that evening and she started eyeing the card.
"Tired of wandering around by the river? Want to make some hot new friends? Just send us a pigeon to Sikh of Jack Inhoff and we promise to deliver. Remember, if you don’t get it, you don’t get it."
Kunti decided to try the service and send the pigeon. Before she knew it a dreamy eyed stranger showed up at her door.

Suraj: “Hi, I am Suraj from the dating service.”
Kunti: “Habbahabba…er…I mean …you guys are fast.”
And just like that Kunti was expecting the unexpected.
Mom: "You are expecting? Kunti, how could you be so irresponsible? Who's the father?"
Kunti: "Please don't be upset ma. His name is Suraj...er...or was it Surya?"
Mom: "Aaargh! Now listen to me young lady. There better not be any sex tapes floating around or you will be in big trouble."
Dad: "Calm down honey, I am sure it was the guys fault. Why would our sweet pumpkin do something like this?"
Kunti makes a puppy face and Dad hugs Kunti.

Mom: "Okay this time it has gone too far. Kunti needs to learn to take responsibility for her actions. It's not just about Kunti anymore...we have to think about the baby's future. We need to get Kunti married."
Kunti: "But Maaa, I am not ready to get married yet."
Mom: "When I need your opinion, I will give it to you."
Kunti: "Dad...do something."
Mom shoots a 'don't even think about it ' look.
Dad: "Sorry sweetie, I think your mother is right."
Mom: "Alright, tell me everything that happened."

Kunti narrates the story as her parents listen intently with occasional outbursts of 'I am going to kill that S.O.B.' by Dad. After some thought Mom comes up with a plan. The following night Kunti is secretly escorted out of the kingdom. Under the cover of the dark, Kunti makes her way to Durvasa's house.

Kunti: "Hello Durvasa uncle. I am pleased to announce that I am preggo and you will be taking care of all the delivery expenses as promised."
Durvasa (astounded): "As promised?"
Kunti brings attention to Durvasa's business card logo 'we promise to deliver'.
Durvasa: "My publicist is going to pay for this. That moron."

After nine months, Kunti was in the delivery room yelling in pain that she would never ever do it again. Six hours later she was the mother of a beautiful baby boy. Durvasa promptly pulled out of further financial responsibilities. Kunti was now eager to go home and get back to her parties but with the little baby and no money of her own to pay the bills, she realized she had a tough choice to make: parties or being a single mom. She quickly put up her child for adoption. The adoption agency informed her that the child was adopted by a childless couple in the chariot business and that the baby was named Karna. Relieved, Kunti returned home, eagerly looking forward to the high life.

(Ganapati: I object to such character assassination of women.
Vyasa: Overruled
).

Mom: "There there little one. Everything will be okay."
Kunti: "Ma, I don't know what I would do without you."
Mom: "Don't worry Kunti, I have it all figured out. We have to get you a reconstructive surgery, get you back to the gym and lose all the pounds you have packed and then my dear you will be married off and live happily ever after."
Kunti: "But mom I don't want to get married. And I don't want to go to the gym."
Dad: "Dear lets not be hasty. Lets give her some time."
Mom: "I've had it with both of you. My word is final. Now let me schedule the surgery."
Dad: "What did my poor pumpkin ever do to deserve this?"
Kunti: "Can you not call me pumpkin? I gave birth to a child last week."
Dad: "Alright sugarplum, I won't call you pumpkin."

Soon it was time to get Kunti married off. On the day of the Swayamwara there was a line of suitors waiting for Kunti's verdict. Kunti noted Pandu’s presence at the Swayamwara. He was the King of Hastinapur as his elder brother Dhritarashtra was blind.

(Ganapati: That is a complete exploitation of Dhritarashtra’s disability.
Vyasa: If you really want to know what’s exploitation try going to grad school.
)

Kunti’s attraction to fair skin made Pandu the clear winner in her eyes. She felt a sense of fulfillment to be so close to her happily ever after. Little did Kunti know that Murphy's law was going to strike with a vengeance. Kunti and Pandu were childless for more than a year now and Pandu kept blaming Kunti for the impotency. Tired of the finger pointing she suggested that he marry another woman to solve this problem.

(Ganapati: So is there some sort of a hereditary impotency problem going on in this dynasty?
Vyasa: What's hereditary?
Ganapati: Never mind.
)

Pandu promptly married Madri and went on a honeymoon with her to the hottest honeymoon resort in a secluded jungle. Pandu wanted to impress Madri so he decided to take her along on a hunting trip. To his delight five minutes into the hunt he spotted two deer behind the bushes just ten paces away from them. Pandu latched his arrow onto the target and shot the arrow that swiftly pierced his target. A loud yowl arose from the bush, "Whoever shot this arrow is dead meat!"
Pandu: "A talking deer?"

A man and a woman dressed like deer appeared from behind the bushes.
Madri: "It's just some honeymooners role playing."
Pandu: "Role playing?"
Madri: "Yeah it’s the latest thing to spice it up when things get a little boring."
The deerman looked very angry with an arrow sticking out of his butt.
Deerman: "What the hell do you think you were doing you moron?"
Pandu: "Who are you calling a moron? You were the one taking a forest hump in that ridiculous costume. How was I to know?"
Deerwoman (whispers in Deerman's ears): "He looks like one of those rich snobs who think they can get away with anything with money."

Pandu decides to go for a settlement with the Deerman.
Pandu: "You know what? It was an honest mistake.Let me take care of your medical bills and we call it even. How about that?"
Deerwoman: "See...he is trying to get away by throwing some money at us."
Deerman: "Curse you albinoman! You will die of performance anxiety."
Then the deerman and deerwoman left in a fit of anger.
Pandu and Madri tried to forget the incident and go on with their honeymoon. Pandu being superstitious did not want to take the risk of dying by performance anxiety. Just like his uncle Bhishma, he took a vow of celibacy.

Satyavati: “I am beginning to worry. Pandu is the King. His wives need to bear children”.
Bhishma: “You are talking to the man who has been there, never done it and got the robe. He won’t last a week with the vow.”
Satyavati: “If you say so.”
Months passed by and Hastinapur was still left with no heirs.
(Ganapati: Wait a minute…what about Dhritarashtra?
Vyasa: Gripping story isn’t it?
Ganapati: Yeah the suspense of Dhritarashtra’s fertility status is killing me.
Vyasa: Are you always this sarcastic?
Ganapati: As a matter of fact I am never sarcastic. I am guessing it is a side effect of having a constant pain in the trunk.
Vyasa rolls his eyes.)


Dhritarashtra decides to approach Bhishma and plead for a bride.
Dhritarashtra: “Bhishma uncle, if there is anyone in the world who can help me get a wife…its you. I hadn’t realized it until I heard about an article in Hastinapur Times that ranked you as the best matchmaker in the history of Hastinapur.”
Bhishma: “Oh the irony. Always the best man never the groom. Did I top the hottest bachelor list as well?”
Dhritarashtra (cracking up): “I always loved your sense of humour. Oh…you were serious.”
Bhishma: “Alright…I will see what I can do.”
Sure enough Bhishma hooked up Dhritarashtra with his friend Shakuni’s sister Gandhari.
Bhishma: “Go me!”
Gandhari: “As a devoted wife, I don’t wish to enjoy the beautiful visions around me if my husband is incapable of sight. From now on I will wear a blindfold and volunteer myself to blindness.”

(Ganapati: What? That’s ridiculous. What’s next? Hop around on one foot if the husband was a cripple?
Vyasa: Whoever said that all the characters in the story are the brightest people on the planet?
Ganapati: Oh alright.)

Pandu was still adamant about the celibacy vow and Hastinapur was still in need of an heir. Satyavati and Bhishma called for a family gathering with Ambika, Ambalika, Pandu and his wives to figure out a way to propagate the family name.
Bhishma: "Let's get this over with as quickly and painlessly as we can."
Satyavati: "Vyasa is always available."
Ambika and Ambalika wildly gesture against the idea behind Satyavati's back.

(Vyasa:"Hey! I didn't ask you to write that."
Ganapati:"Oh alright I will scratch it out."
Ganapati pretends to scratch the sentence off the script.)
 
Bhishma: "Alright. That was easy."
Kunti: "Wait! I have heard of this dating service. Maybe we could give it a shot."
Madri: "Isn't dating service for losers?"
Kunti: "Why would you say such a horrible thing? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find someone nowadays?"
Madri: "Alright alright. Why are you being so touchy?"
Bhishma: "Well, what do you think Pandu?"
Pandu: "Does it really matter?"
Satyavati: "Let's not have an emotional breakdown now Pandu. Kunti, can you pass on the details of the dating service to me?"
Bhishma looks at Satyavati suspiciously.
Satyavati: "What? Its not for me."
Kunti: "Don't worry. I will take care of it."
Kunti immediately sends a pigeon to Durvasa.

Durvasa: "Aha! Payback time. Let the fleecing begin." Durvasa decided to overcharge heavily. He got them hooked on a sham 'buy one get two half off' deal.
Madri: “I’m pregnant.”
Kunti: “Join the club.”
Gandhari: “I’m pregnant too.”
Dhritarashtra: “I rock”
Pandu: ‘Sulk’
Madri gave birth to twins named Nakula and Sahadeva, the sons of Ashwini twins. Kunti on the other hand went crazy with the deals and ended up having three sons, Yudhishtira the son of Yama, Bhima the son of Pavan and Arjuna the son of Indra.

(Ganapati: This is getting to be quite a sex fest. Isn't this a little too much sex for a book that you intend to sell as mythology?
Vyasa: It's in my publishing contract. They said sex sells so I better add lots of it.
Ganapati: Ah! No arguing that.)


Gandhari had the longest pregnancy in the history of Hastinapur. It lasted for 2 years during which Gandhari got increasingly frustrated. At the end of the pregnancy she gave birth to a ball of flesh.

(Ganapati: “Here is a question for you. Since you explained earlier that Pandu’s skin color and Dhritarashtra’s disability was related to the mother's facial expression during conception, how do you explain Gandhari’s delivery situation.”
Vyasa: Artistic liberties.)

Satyavati invited Vyasa to figure out a solution for this unnatural delivery. Vyasa divided the mass of flesh into 101 parts and put them in jars filled with butter. After two years, 100 boys (Kauravas) and one girl arose from the jars. Duryodhan was the first child to be born from the jar followed by Dushyasan.

(Ganapati: Followed by Kaurava 3, Kaurava 4…Kauarava 100.
Vyasa shakes his head.)


Dushala was the only girl to be born.
Gandhari: “Thank god for the nannies.”
Meanwhile, Pandu's patience grew thin with the celibate lifestyle. He finally decided to screw the vow in an intimate moment with Madri. Some say Pandu died of a heart attack, others say it was performance anxiety.
And just like that, Dhritarashtra became the first blind King of Hastinapur.

(To be continued...)

FAQ - CCSL

98 comments:

parikrama said...

>> "Vyasa is always available."

hehe.. loved the "title" the most..

Take care crys.. & god give u strength, courage. & wit to complete this epic..

inspiredbylife said...

Ah, gripping and very intersting narration... waiting for more! :)

Samrat said...

Hilarious!!.
The vyasa bit and the "deer role-play" had me holding my sides.

you could refer to the "great indian novel" by tharoor. He also has a similar irreverent view about the MB. But yours is much better.

Seems to be an Indian "Southpark".

Waiting for the next installments.

flaashgordon said...

Really ! Too good !!!Waiting with baited breath for the next installment...cant wait for the Mahabharatha War n the dice game before that. Is tht gonna be in Las Vegas???

cheers
flaash

Murga said...

And just like that Kunti was expecting the unexpected....
And jlt cry served up chapter 6 leaving me ROTFLMAO!!

Mainak said...

am priviledged to witness an amazingly hilarious epic in the making...
(CLINK)cheers to miss ved vyas

bottled-imp said...

hey crys good to see ur next episode. liked the lenght as well. loved the statement "Whoever said that all the characters in the story are the brightest people on the planet?"

Dhananjay Shettigar said...

>> "Dhritarashtra - I Rock"
No, Crystal dear. YOU ROCK!!! Keep them coming.

Nilesh said...

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!!!

keep them coming!!

Nilesh

Silent Melody said...

Crys great as usual. Have u considered getting them published?

Kanishka Agiwal said...

Planning to publish this?? Supere` work!! More more....

The Optimist said...

ROCKING!!!!
WAITING FOR SOME MROE OF THESE!!!
KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK GIRL!!!

Lalit Singh said...

If it were a book i would say "Unputdownable"

Eagerly waiting for the next....

Krishna said...

Better get yourself a Ganapati and release the b(ook)log soon..
Installments kill..
GIVE ME MORE...

SeaSwallowMe said...

aaah, crys, you're back !

and with more delicious lines. like the pre-emptive vow of celibacy. and lol @ ""When I need your opinion, I will give it to you.""

like IW says, may the long-trunked one give you the energy to keep going :)

Nishit said...

not so good as it used to be... Didn't laugh even for a single sentence.

Null Bit said...

thanks. I've been waiting for my next dose of laughter :-) I discovered your blog recently so got to read all the earlier parts at one shot.
The best part according to me: "hereditary impotency problem"!!!
Super cool series... take your time girl. But please don't stop midway :-)

Pleiades said...

A big thumbsup!! :D Neat... :) You should really consider getting this published...

http://pleiades.blurty.com

cheti said...

"When I need your opinion, I will give it to you."

Can a mom be any better ? ROTFL !

Kele Panchu said...

Keep 'em coming! Free dating service idea was very innovative.

Mitesh said...

I am sure one of your favorite movie is forrest gump. The title of chapter 6 and your frequent usage of the words "just ike that". :-)

"performance anxiety", "reconstructive surgery", "ball of flesh", "constant pain in the trunk" ... Amazing!! Among these, the surgery one knocks me out :-)

Have you read "cartoon history of the universe".? Its very funny too. the best part is the story is like a comic strip with lots of humor embedded. there are 13 volumes and it starts with dinosaur era and goes on with birth of all religions, civilizations (roman, greeks, indian, chinese, and so on,...). Try getting the volumes.

btw, does my name sound like durvasa? :-)

Peppy said...

rotfl
(Ganapati: That is a complete exploitation of Dhritarashtra’s disability.
Vyasa: If you really want to know what’s exploitation try going to grad school.)

Back with a bang i see!! Carry on Crys!! [why, thats a series in itself!]

GREATBONG said...

Amazing stuff, Crystal Blur ! Just a point: As far as I remember, Sakuni wasnt Bhisma's friend. Bhisma went to Gandhar and massacred Sakuni's family (the royal family of Gandhar) and left only Sakuni alive because he was a cripple. And since Gandhari had no relatives left, Sakuni came as a package deal and stayed with the Kauravas.

But Sakuni vowed revenge on the Kauravas and made a dice with the bones of his father and brothers----the same dice in which he also kept his pet worm who rolled depending on Sakuni's commands. We all know what happened with this dice.

Lord of the Ring said...

We'll meet in hell buddy

Kingsley said...

I always thought Gandhari 's blindfold was k-i-n-k-y ;)

Vick said...

I would second Nishit. Not as good as earlier installments. Its not to discourage you but just didnt laugh much while reading this episode.

Fleiger said...

"Grad School"??? :D

Totally made my day, been waiting for new episode for a long time...

And once again, Go Ganapati!

Patrix said...

Loved it! You are getting better at this...love the Ganpati-Vyasa jabs.

Lil nitpicking, Yudishtir was the son of Brahma, not Yama if I recall correctly. Correct me if I am wrong.

Shashi said...

Laughing my ass off......Great stuff...
Keep up the good work..
-Shashi

Gaurav said...

Good one again, Crys. :)

Patrix, Yudhisthira was the son of Yama. In fact, the dog accompanying him during the trek to heaven is Yama a.k. Dharma.

Sleepyface said...

way to go!

*artistic liberties* !!!!

:)

anthony said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Crystal blur said...

Hey IW,
The other contending title was 'Hump and Humper'. And yes I certainly need all that to complete this gigantor production that I have undertaken.

Samrat,
South Park? How could you say that? What next...compare G. Bappa to Cartman. Blasphemy.
(For the record I was just kidding and I love South Park. Cartman rocks!)

Navin,
Las Vegas...hmm you got me thinking :)

Mainak,
Cheers! What are we drinking again?

Bottled Imp,
The length was a part of the reason why it took so long. Glad you had fun reading.

Silent Melody,Kanishka,Pleiades
I haven't really thought about publishing this. If it has a good run and I keep up the writing then I would consider it.

Krishna,
Ganesha has always been my favorite idol and I have him in every room :) As far as the wait for installments...sorry but thats the best I can do for now.

SSM,
I read your comment about the sambhar fed hornets nest on DSS. I had to promptly ROTFL. Baaki sabh G.Bappa ki kirpa hai :)

Nishit,
My apologies, I will try better next time.

Null bit,
I promise to deliver..for now :)

Mitesh,
Alright I confess I love Forrest Gump. Puts Cartoon History below Great Indian Novel on must read list. Yes your name could be like Durvasa or like Vyasa with Y missing :)

GreatBong,
Thats an interesting piece of story that was completely skipped in the version that I am reading.
And on a different note, I appreciate your support for my writing in your recent blog post...thanks.

LOTR,
:)

Kingsley,
No debating that.

Vick,
It's difficult to cater to everyone's taste in humour. Thanks for the sincere feedback.

Patrix,
Did you mean the son of Dharma instead of Brahma? Lord Yama is also referred to as Lord Dharma. For more info go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yama

IBL, Murga, Dhananjay, Nilesh, Rehab Chaugle, Lalit, Fleiger, Peppy, Cheti, Kele Panchu, Shashi,
Thank you so much for your comments.

Thanks everybody for the continued support and appreciation!!!

Lost-n-Found said...

Love your posts but as Nisith pointed out this one was not one of ur best...may be u dealt with a lot of info here... u cud have broken into two chapters or something m sure u'll experiment n dish out a feasty next chapter soon.
Hope u'll not mind my comment and let me repeat i absolutely love ur posts.

ibankerboy said...

hey crys....great stuff. please keep it going. btw can i add a link of your blog on mine

tabs said...

amazing...now i can remember the story really well. good story telling technique. enjoyed reading it. waiting for the next part.

tabs said...

really nice

r)HaN said...

I am hooked.
I was forwarded this blog and immediately lapped it all up,which by the way,can be nominated for the best continuing blog post series of the year(musical or comedy).I am not sure if there is an academy or a guild for bloggers but if there was(*artisitic liberties,anyone) you would have definitely been nominated! :)


"Crystal , U rock" rather "Sphatik, Tu Dagad".



R.

Amalesh said...

Fantastic..Keep going...I just could not stop laughing...

Voice Within said...

Ok you totally goddamn rock!!!
*shashtang pranam aapko*

Dinesh said...

You simply rock lady.. I just love to read your blog.
I keep opening your blog every hour for updates..
Alas.. my net was down for 2 days and i missed the first touch..
Anyways, it was fun reading..

Ashwin said...

Honestly, Ms. Blur, whatever you have posted under the banner of CCSL may look funny and amusing to people who may have scant regard or respect for or knowledge about the literature.

"This is an effort to bring the original Mahabharata back to the bookshelves."

I fixed that statement.

"This is an effort to bring the Mahabharata, as I interpret it with my limited knowledge and understanding, to the bookshelves."

I have no clue as to where or why you got this idea, but certainly it seems to have gotten you the attention you probably seeked.

Lets see if this comment gets through by your moderation.

Gokul said...

Well done! This is good writing.

Crystal blur said...

Gaurav,
Ah didn't see your post to Patrix when I was working on my longish comment. :)

Anthony,
It always makes it worth the effort when I find my readers enjoy the read. I didn't quite understand the P.S. part though. Also I can't edit comments before publishing. I only have the option of publishing it or rejecting it entirely.

Lostnfound,
Thanks for your feedback. Yes this chapter is the longest one yet but I didn't think it dragged. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

ibankerboy,
Hey thanks and sure you can link me.

r)han,
Look at my head grow :)Thanks buddy.

voice within,
lol

Dinya,
There you are! Did you get my email??

Overseer,
I disagree and please stop the whining.

Vishnupriya, loa_naissus, amalesh, gokul thanks a bunch for your encouragement!

Ashwin said...

Ofcourse you disagree. Should I feel rebuked? Or is it that you are simply irritated to see comments from anyone other than your loyal fans?

I was whining? ROFL! Of course I did... and you who just took the bait!

BTW... your choice of words speak a lot to me. Very interesting.

Surya Ragunaathan said...

"Artistic liberties"...'dating service'..."honeymooners role playing"...have been laughing right from the 1st sentence to the last one - guess, i'll die of stomach ache..great going!:-):-):-)
cheers!
(ps:am I too late to comment - aaargh! first timer and late, sigh!)

Surya Ragunaathan said...

Great work crystal...just loved it
cheers!

Agastya Sen said...

Woman ! You are too cool !

witnwisdumb said...

Adjectives fail me... Brilliant! Stupendous! Riotously amusing! Crystal, I am now undoubtedly, your greatest fan ever. The idea is terrific, and I don't think anybody could have written it better, it's all just fantastic. I am now going to read each and every single post on your blog. And then over again. Keep posting!

PS: Hey, you've left no email address or other means of contacting you... I don't seriously expect you to actually mail me, but it would indeed be very kind of you if you did. I'm at 'witnwisdumb@gmail.com'.

FunnyCide said...

"...if you don’t get it, you don’t get it."

I guess that should be the punch line for this series!! :D

Parikshit said...

Nice satire... hope u keep up the quality now that u have a wide viewership and hope u don't bump into protector's of aaple bhartiya culture soon! Mahabharat faar mothe ahe... purn sampvaycha asel tar khupch vel lagnar ahe. Better distribute some work.. :)

lash said...

way to go. i guess i wud ve scored better if Indian Independence or as a matter of fact History as such, were taught in a similar way. :))

hilarious.

beep beep - VHP ppl were lookin for you.

Hide!!!

grey said...

Awesome ! Fantastic ... forwarded the link of the series to my friends last week - and They all are floored.

Tachyoson said...

as always a laff-a-second-othon!

keep on writing!

silverine said...

This is a class masterpiece!I have forwarded the link to all my friends. Great going ma'am!!

Bengali Guy said...

Peter Brook's highly acclaimed series on Mahabharata is a must see for everyone who enjoy the epic.

Wikipedia says:

With its vast philosophical depth and sheer magnitude, a consummate embodiment of the ethos of not only grand India but of Hinduism and Vedic tradition, the Mahabharata's scope and grandeur is best summarized by one quotation from the beginning of its first parva (section): "What is found here, may be found elsewhere. What is not found here, will not be found elsewhere."

Good choice of a subject. Mahabharata is so rich in topics that its extremely flexible and you can bend it in almost a million different ways.

bloreite said...

Great stuff, cBlur.... 'Ganapati' is hilarious.... I crack up whenever he refers to the 'pain in the trunk' .... dunno know why though !! :)

Chapter 6 is a little longer than the others. Thats good. Keep em coming.

THE PROPHET said...

dear writer,
i know i may sound very weird in this crowd of replies...but really i din like this effort..u may call me conservative indian..but plz dun use name of mahabharta..use names of kunti and etc...but plz dun insult the great work of vyasa...and dun disrespect indian feelings...i am not a cuture commando..but i really dislike this tendancy of westernising everything..somethings shd be kept as they are....coz tey are eternal...i hope u understand..plz dun do this to any other thing...
and really if u want to spread culture..take some trouble in translating epics to english...du make mockery of them...
neways..u r gifted with art of writing...dun waste it in such things...
believe me i am just expressing wat i felt..no hard feelings...
-Non NRI

Red said...

Brilliant simply brilliant. I suggest you look for a publisher NOW.

Also, I keep bringing this up. There is a surfeit of Chitrangradas.
1) Hastinpurian Prince
2) Angry Gandharva
3) Hot Manipuri Queen and Arjuna's seducee.

And the name is gender neutral as well

Patrix said...

Oops! my bad! Thanks for correcting me.

Varun Rajkumar said...

Fantastic with a capital F girl....

keep rockin!!

badmotorfinger said...

absolutely hilarious... can i post ur link on my blog.. just started it

alpha said...

Absolutely hilarious... even though I have read Shashi Tharoor's Great Indian Novel and had enjoyed it. ST mixed Indian politics with his characters and lost me in the second half. I like this better. Anything with mythology is fun. Me and my friend's have had umpteen discussions on the flip side of Mahabharat. It has so much potential.

But seriously Crystal, good job and keep it coming. Loved the Princess Amba Diary.

Abhishek Upadhyay said...

Hey
This is what you get on tolerance.
Can you write anything similar on Islam?
I am waiting for it dear.
Cheers...
Abhishek

Surjo said...

Simply awesome !!! I am waiting to read the entire story as it unfolds !

Pundarikaksha Purakayastha said...

Too good! Keep it going!

Saturday Night Takeout said...

Good shyte, as usual. I'm lovin' it. Attagirl, CB.

Anirudh said...

not as good as the ones you had written earlier..found this one boring..

iyer education said...

rocking as always :)

Hetro said...

Do i need to say "Awesome posts". And whenever people come up with novel concepts, they face adversity. So keep you cool and ask them to do the unmentionable. Also cant wait for chapter 7. Write faster!!PLZZZZZZ

Nats said...

ur posts in demand......me too waiting for the next post.

pseudonym said...

gr8 work....but when is chapter 7 coming??

Anoop Saha said...

Hey Crystal,

Marvellous. The whole series is wonderfully written. Actually, you should have been born 3-4000 years ago, or whenever Mahabharata was written. Then we would be reading your version of Mahabharata. Vyasa himself would have liked the spoof on his mega epic.
Lucky that you are not in India. The more popular your blog becomes, the more it will attract attention. Especially from those from the moral brigade, who seem to be omnipresent on the internet. But, keep writing.
Keep it up. Especially waiting for Draupadi's entry . :-)
Anoop

krupali said...

great story!!! but i hope the shiv sainiks dont read ur blog :P

Crystal blur said...

Thank you so much everybody for your support!!!
-Crys (grinning widely)

Queer said...

Damn..that was freaking hilarious!!!

Kim said...

Absolutely brilliant. The long wait for chapter 6 was truly worth it. Now I cant wait for chapter 7. We discussed your writing on a lot of our yahoogroups. Most junta loved your work. Don't let the nay sayers put u off. And start looking for a publicist. U should get this in print.
btw i've linked to u on one of my blogs
http://muserkim.blogspot.com/

Anomalizer said...

Just happened to run into these chapers. Are those real? ;-)

Sando said...

"Send a pigeon to Sikh of Jack Inhoff" ROTFLMAO!!!

I think we Indians need to learn to laugh at ourselves. Good going Crys! Have you read the Flashman series of books by George McDonald Fraser?

luvsanju said...

really very good effort..
hilarious, amazing stuff...
keep going...
( i know this aint enuff to express the emotions after reading this)

Abhishek* said...

Dear Madam

You have written a parody and I hope you know it. If you dont, you must know it. And I hope you might not be unaware of the acute dependence of a work of parody on something ELSE that is worthy of being make a parody of.

Just change the name of your characters and see how 'hugely hilarious' it remains. See, it's simple. You give any contemporary expression to them and they seem funny coz of the temporal inconsistency. Moreover, their image wud be incongruous with anything pertaining to present; it cud very well be LIC policy or indo-pak cricket match or any damned thing under the sky. So ur pseudo-creativity has to choose from virtually infinite options available. I wont explain further as I respect ur intelligence.

I see some good psychological insights in ur writing but it goes in vain coz ur (as it seems to me) predominant 'showcase-blogging' tendency. The ppl who laugh at any rubbish wudnt appreciate that anyways. You must have a 'sense' of humor to understand where u dont laugh. Humor in isolation is reflective of a poverty of emotional expression. It has little value.

If you dont think that u've exhausted ur creativity, you might think abt writing something more original.

-Abhishek*

cloud9ine said...

What say crystal abt putting a bit more time between your episode updates and doing it a bit more thoughtful. The real humor element seems to be going down as we read down the episodes..

Nevertheless, the chain is still more than worth reading..

Joepaizan said...

so when is chapter 7 coming?

Sudhanshu said...

Hi, are you really thinkin abt publishin a complete book on this? If yes, please keep me updated abt it. I wud like to help you in marketing (publicizing) it. Anything that makes mockery of religions and religious texts is of prime interest to me.
Sudhanshu

pegasus said...

I will die laughing


PS: do mail me the link of chapter 5 i vainly tried to search for it.

Viraj said...

hey waiting for ur next chapter

Vinayak said...

hey... when's da next chapter comin out???? hav been waitin for quite some time dear... pls make it kwik...

Mitesh said...

Reconstructive surgery...hehe!
link

mandeepsg said...

What a post....wow crystal you are the queen of words i am waiting eagerly for the remaining episodes....

Jamun said...

Woman...wow. These chapters are cracking me up more and more...brilliant. I suggest u turn these into comic strips...ya u might get stoned and killed but who cares. U will leave behind the origins of the first indian comic strip that was truly funny...

Keka said...

AWESOME!!!!!
I "discovered" yr blog today and I COMPLETELY love yr reconstructions!!
hey when is chapter 7 coming????
please dont keep us hanging jk rowling like - of course this is WAYYYYY better than any potter book!!!
keep up the great job!! :-)

silenced_clamor said...

when is more coming!!!!

have been eagerly waiting...

oh boy i just cant wait to read the cheer-haran scene ;-)

FenderBender said...

hi Crystal,

got this link from a friend and i must say i thoroughly enjoyed it!

you have a wonderful blog...probably spent close to an hour browsing through it. the fish pix are cool.

as for anime, you kinda put my thoughts out there...my initial impression was the same but i saw "Spririted Away" and was completely amazed. that movie made me an anime fan!

~Manoj~
http://fenderbender.wordpress.com

zonko said...

Did you watch Omkara yet? Everyone wants to read Othello now...

Maybe you'll get people interested in reading the Mahabharata. Maybe you'll make people think the Mahabharata is a lame book with crazy plot devices.

Hopefully you'll have a lot of fun, regardless.

Ok, I'm not very good on the gyaan right now.

Nice. Well writ. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster keep noodling you with doses of creativity.

Abhi said...

Why have you stopped writing the Mahabharata series?
It was such a delightful read!!

behenji said...

what????? wheres the rest of this?? waaaaaa :((((

Aprameyan said...

Well written series. Very apt title for this chapter, though 'mating service' seemed more appropriate than a 'dating' one!

Ketan said...

Crystal Blur,

This is most amazing stuff!

Would be reading other things, too. :)

I also liked the fact that you don't act haughty trying to pass off as unconcerned of readers' comments and had actually attempted to respond to them.

Take care.