Saturday, January 07, 2006

WHO health advisory

Hello friends. Today we are going to learn about sanctimonitis.

What is sanctimonitis?
Sanctimonitis is a terrible disease afflicting people all over the world. The sufferers of sanctimonitis hallucinate about threats to their cultural well being through infringement of their sacred moral ideals that they themselves arbitrarily define or make up. As a result they try to enforce their myopic ideas of socially acceptable behaviour on everyone around them.

Is sanctimonitis very common?
The official WHO count is not out yet but this disease is found more commonly than you think.

Is sanctimonitis contagious?
Your susceptibility is directly proportional to your body's gullibility index. People who display resistance to fallacious arguments have been shown to be immune to sanctimonitis.

How do you spot a person suffering from sanctimonitis?
You could not spot one until they open their mouth to talk because most of the time they look and behave just like all of us.

Can you catch sanctimonitis before it worsens?
Sanctimonitis if not treated can lead to a full-blown case of fanatic fever. And believe me there is no fun in fanatic. Common symptoms of sanctimonitis include frequent irrational outbursts on innocent bystanders, constant sermons on 'sacred' ideals followed by patronising or abusive recourses to better mankind.

Do we have rehab centers for sanctimonitis sufferers?
Gaurav Sabnis and Great Bong have generously volunteered some time to fight sanctimonitis. Gaurav in his post dissects a severe case of a sanctimonitis sufferer and Great Bong reveals how sanctimonitis has corrupted our society. Thanks both of you for the very excellent posts.

Is there a vaccine that could prevent sanctimonitis?
Scientists are working on this problem but so far there is no vaccine available.

What can I do to help?
Follow the triple A program:
1) Awareness. You could spread awareness about this disease.
2) Acceptance. Encourage sanctimonitis sufferers to accept their disease.
3) Avoidance. Avoid entertaining psycophantic rants doled out by sanctimonitis sufferers. If encouraged, sanctimonitis may worsen.

I dream of a sanctimonitis free world.

26 comments:

HutumpaNcha said...

..though I was expecting the chapter 7 on CCSL, your FAQ style posts are great
Keep them coming

Tachyoson said...

Sanctimonitis was also known to Our Great Vedic Ancestors...
they call it "Koopa-Manduk-Vritti"

Patrix said...

I agree! Sanctimonitis is far too prevalent than we think and is indepedent of age, sex, caste, nationality, religion, or sexual orientation. You are doing a great job in ameliorating the spread of sanctimonitis. Count me in your fight against sanctimonitis and blog on. Looking forward to reading the rest of the Mahabharata as interpreted by CB.

Straight Curves said...

I dream of a sanctimonitis free world.

Amne to that!

Keep up the good work and count me in as a volunteer aginst this dreaded and indeed dreadful disease.

witnwisdumb said...

Of course prevention is better than cure, but considering the fact that no vaccines have yet been developed, I think we can only go in for the last measure: quarantine and isolate all individuals having sanctimonitis, before they spread the infection to more individuals!

CobraToM [മരപ്പട്ടി] said...

You mock the indian culture that is millenias old, and show the audacity to spoof the sacred stories that have been handed down generation to generation. And you are a woman, who should be cooking and cleaning and raising kids! What happened to the 'Great Indian Culture'???
Well, about time someone called a spade a CCSL. Haven't sniggered so much in eons.

U ROCK!

silverine said...

And believe me there is no fun in fanatic :))

That one line said it all. Attagirl Crystal!!!

Ambuj Saxena said...

The usual policy of bloggers is to ignore such distractions 'coz replying to them means they are being seriously taken. I hoped you'd do the same, but never mind. By countering it in your own ingenuine way, you have indeed created a niche of your own. Tell us when you're done as many of us want to come there too :)

n.g. said...

recent research has shown that whisky drinkers show an uncanny ability to be immune from this disease. doctors worldwide are prescribing 2 tablespoons, four times a day, before and after meals to everyone.

Cringe-all said...

Are there any genetic or congenital factors that enhance the risk of contracting sanctimonitis?

yes. Research by this correspondent reveals that those with megalomaniacal tendencies, bloated egoes,
fragile funny bones, bilious digestive systems,
deep-seated insecurities, low frustration thresholds,
high prudeness quotients, retarded intellectual development and wretched sex-lives constitute the high risk population for this disease which is now turning to epidemic proportions.

Nice way to put it, Crystal. Here's another fan of your excellent CCSL speaking his heart. And I could immediately connect to the types you were describing : they are a universal tribe.

Tanveer said...

Great work, keep it up and ignore the sanctimonitis afflicted. Yours is the most accurate adaptation of the myths, any plan on ramayana soon? I think you can give the Banker dude competition

Red said...

Madmoiselle as usual is brilliant. Sanctimonitis ke khooni panje ko tod do, madod do. (trans. break and thulp the bloody paw of sanctimonitis)

anthony said...

This was just brilliant.
Sufferer of this deasease also refuse to accept the fact that they are suffering.

Shashi said...

"I dream of a sanctimonitis free world"

Whoaaa, you trying to take away a great source of fun...wouldn't have anybody to piss off...

but, *clap, clap*
great post....and keep posting.

Cheers!
-Shashi

Rimi said...

i dropped by once ages back, then forgot the url. well, found my way again, didn't i! *totally self-congratulatory pat on my own back*

Crys, this is excellent work. not just because of the brilliant reworking, but also for sheer perseverence. brilliant.

blog now said...

will u pls post the next chapter...

Alice In Wonderland said...

Crystal,

Pls come upwith Chapter 7 soon...or are you planning a Microsoft type strategy to charge the readers for the subsequent editions?

Btw, I was inspired by your style and wrote a CCSL Cinderella Story on my blog.

-Pallavi

neha vish said...

For God's sake woman - write .. write!

Mainak said...

An amazingly creative way to counter those fanatic idiots who obviously might be bugging u..
keep up the awesome work my lord..
ur followers will always be with u..

Archana said...

Hahahha! Maybe someone will start a SA (Santimonitics Anonymous) soon to help sufferers :-D!

shakester said...

he he:)
good stuff

Raj said...

In my esteeem, the wheels of your chariot which hitherto were magnetically levitating a couple of inches above the ground like Yudhishtra's, touched solid earth when you posted this particular blog.

The response to your previous blog was overwhelmingly positive, with 67 out of the 70 comments, singing paens of praise. 3 of the comments were critical, but were well within the limits of decency. So, why this angry response? Referring to complimentary posts as "excellent" and critical comments as "sanctimonious" is a sign of complete intolerance and doesn't behove an aspiring humourist. That aside, your ongoing serial makes delightful reading and I am waiting to see how the 'epic' will unfold. Carry on. Yours sanctimoniously, Raj

Rohit Bhute said...

I read thru your blog. And your two spoofs. Blogrolled it. Now...

ALL HAIL CRYSTAL BLUR

Bows down in sheer gratitude.

Your blog is fun!

Ripu said...

another good post. We indians take ourselves too seriously and all these holy cows about which you can never say anything stifles free speech. keep up the good work.

Anirudh said...

i hate fanatics
but reading ur blog i feel that there are fanatics on both the sides.. :-)

Crystal blur said...

Love you guys for all the support. You guys rock! Blowing kisses :)

Bahut bahut dhanyavaad!