Battle of the bulge

Battle of the slight case of bulge really. I have done the unthinkable…okay not unthinkable ‘coz I have thought about it alright…so the undoable. When the choice is between vegging out on a warm cozy couch and a sweaty painful workout it is not much of a choice. Couch always wins no contest. But lately with my low stress high fat diet I have packed on a few pounds and as a result have ended up with a slight case of bulge.

Day 1:

I went to the gym expecting to be mocked for my slight case of bulge. I prepared myself for the unforgiving stares from the Greek gods and goddesses in the gym. But instead, like they showed in a Friend’s episode, I was greeted by a cute Dan who gave me a tour of the gym. It was a pretty big gym with lots of machines with names such as butt buster. After the tour I decided to go for something simple like a run on the tread mill. After some feel good exercises, I left home feeling pretty darn good.

Day 2:

Somehow ended up in a kick boxing session…still haven’t figured out how I talked myself into it. So I was in one of those rooms with mirrors for walls. They are built such that you can view your problem areas in all possible angles. In addition I end up standing besides one of those perfectly athletic bodies (so that you can compare yours with theirs) on my right and a much older woman (to rub your nose in shame with their stamina) on my left.
The instructor yells, “Now do the boxer’s shuffle”.
I tried to do the shuffle with two left feet.
Me: Alright just don’t fall ‘coz nobody is going to miss it with the mirrors.
Instructor: Now punch and hook and kick.
I am making all the right moves but they turn out such that in comparison, a penguin’s waddle would look more graceful.
Instructor: Hook, punch, power-kick.
In Eric Cartman’s words, “you are breaking my balls here”.
But I will not quit! I will persevere to the end of this session…please let it be a 15 minutes session. Body refuses to co-operate 20 minutes into the session. I walked to the side while the rest of the class (including the much older participant) is just getting warmed up. WTF!
Alright this is embarrassing, I cannot be the quitter. I join in. Body now in full mutiny mode.
Brain: Alright! Let’s take it one kick at a time.
Legs: Not happening.
Brain: This is embarrassing.
Ten minutes later, Buck (my dearly beloved) caved in too. So now the two of us were in the time out corner. After two more failed attempts to join the group we decided to walk out. Buck somehow found the strength to do some more exercises while I hung around feeling as limp as a noodle. Fifteen minutes later I was on my way home thinking about the long battle ahead.

Day 3: Today. #@*!