Thursday, April 05, 2007

Crispy wafers with Crys

In light of Crystal Blur’s predictable failure for nomination in Indibloggies , the ego deflation wasn’t enough. So one decided to interview Crys to needle her with poignant questions. A hideous attempt to mock Crys by putting her under a microscope in her darkest hour. Styled after a recent post of self-proclaimed bimbette of desi blogosphere Megha, here’s Crispy wafers with Crys. In conversation with Crys.

A dingy multicolored basement which should be manned with a biohazard level 3 sign. The interviewer Crys is wearing a tube top and a skimpy skirt to cater to the male audience. One florescent light flickers ominously as the interviewee Crys stumbles into the basement wearing a polka dotted dress where each polka dot is the diameter of 28mm.

This part of the program was not sponsored.

Crys: Good morning Crys!
Crys: (Yawn) Where are the wafers?
Crys: Um…sorry the crew got hungry.
Crys: What crew? It is just you and me.
Crys: Will tic-tacs work?
Crys: You got me out of bed at 10 o-fucking clock and you don’t even have wafers? On top of that you accuse me of having bad breath by offering me mints? I may be many things but carrier of bad breath I am not!
Crys: Wow! Missed the morning coffee eh? I didn’t accuse you of anything Crys. How about we start over?
Crys: Hmph!
Crys: Okaaay…I am sorry. Now will you cheer up?
Crys: Double hmph! (Hands folded across the chest. Foot tapping.)
Crys: How about we walk down to the Krispy Kreme and I buy you a donut?
Crys: I knew you would come around. Krispy Kreme with Crys? That works.
Both head to the Krispy Kreme a block away.

This part of the program was sponsored by Krispy Kreme…I wish.

Crys: How does it feel to not even get a nomination for Indibloggies? Do you feel hurt, rejected, suicidal, all of the above?
Crys: Huh? Actually none of those…it doesn’t bother me.
Crys: I see you are in the denial phase right now.
Crys: No…I am okay really. You see I am a method blogger like Aamir Khan. Ofcourse I wouldn’t grow a method mustache if I wrote a blog about …well men with mustaches. But just like Aamir doesn’t care for Filmfare, I don’t care for Indibloggies.It is as simple as that.
Crys: In all fairness to Aamir, he was nominated for Filmfare awards.
Crys: Minor difference in perception.Van Gogh didn’t sell a painting in his life. Does that mean he wasn’t a great artist?
Crys: So now you are Van Gogh?
Crys: No I am not saying that. I am saying popularity has nothing to do with artistic talent as clearly demonstrated by American Idol.
Crys: Did you just compare Great Bong with Sanjaya Malakar ? (Gasp!)
Crys: Jesus Cryst! Why are you putting words in my mouth? I did not say that. Great Bong is great. In fact I admire how he maintains the quality and quantity of his blog posts. It is quite amazing really.
Crys: So you are saying that Great Bong is really a pseudonym for more than 1 person because one person could not possibly write so frequently without losing quality of the blog?
Crys: No! That is not what I meant. Why are you making stuff up?
Crys: Relax…you are doing just fine. Trust me, I know what the readers want. You won’t be putting your proverbial foot in your mouth in this interview. We will be using the old media trick of putting question marks at the end of all the blatantly speculative statements. So it would read, “Great Bong, a man with multiple personas or multiple persons posing as one man?”
Crys (pouting): I thought this interview is about me.
Crys: So what should your readers expect from your blog?
Crys: Well I am always bubbling with ideas. Dabbling in different subjects. I am still not ready to commit to any one topic and make it my niche. That is sort of the advantage of being at the bottom of the ladder…the only way to go is up.
Crys jots down: Crys says what goes up must comes down. All popular bloggers headed for failure?
Crys: Oh here we are. I am starving. Original glazed puhleese.
Crys: I will have one too.
Crys: Great.
Crys: Er…can you pay for this? I am a little low on cash.
Crys: You said it was your treat?
Crys: It is…I will pay you back later. What you don’t trust me?
Crys: Oh alright.

Just like chrysanthemum flowers, Crys and Crys bloomed with joy as they sunk their respective teeth in a heavenly bite of original glazed Krispy Kreme donut.


Patrix said...

Likening the Great Bong to the Malakar kid will get you the ire of his huge fan base, GB's that is.

Megha said...

Ooh nice! Though I must admit, you had me at Krispy Kreme itself.


Crystal blur said...

Don't worry Patrix, we are ready with fire extinguishers and rasgullas ;)

Phew! I am always the worry bug when I do caricatures. Glad you enjoyed it :)

Fleiger said...

Krispy Kreme? Now you are talking... (OK, you were talking already, that's just a figure of speech)

You watch Daily Show, too? The "Question Mark at the end" made me think so...

cheti said...

So you moved to a place near Krispy creme when they closed the Krispy Creme where you used to live earlier ? I remember a blog from you on Sugar withdrawal or some such thing !

And you were even predicting that your blog will not be nominated ? Why would your "return of the dead" even feature in that "to be predicted" if they will make to nomination list ;) ?

But if that makes you question yourself and the rest of us can have a hearty laugh, so be it !

Shek said...

I give. 'Phunny' is your middle name, not mine...not yet;)

another brick in the wall said...

kya be.. mera comment nahi publish kiya tune :X

Crystal blur said...

Yes I do. Jon Stewart rocks!

Wah Cheti wah! I can't believe that you remembered the sugar rush post. Ekdum impression daala!But I didn't predict anything?

(Takes a bow)Thank you, thank you :)

There may be a glitch in the psychic network so you may have to "post" a comment first to get it published. Sorry about the inconvenience.

another brick in the wall said...

kya baat karti hai.. mast mein badaa sa comment type kiya thaa! stupid blogger!

kuch nahi.. amar saab ne mereko mail bheja hai usko paisa dene ka.. toh am still 2 get the cheque from u.. toh kindly do the needful else even he'll label the innocent me as a fraud! so many ppl accusing me of the same.. its painful yaa!

Fleiger said...

Knew that... :D

Did you get the money interviewer borrowed from you for the original glazed?

Crystal blur said...

ROTFL Amar! Good job. Khoofiya sootron ke mutabik ABITW has a lot of kaala dhan collected. So don't feel shy to dig in ABITW's so called biwi baccha fund. ;)And ABITW you better cough up the money or else I will announce a runner up winner :p

Everybody is taking najayz faayda of my generosity. Kya Karu?

another brick in the wall said...

no no crys.. sab jhooth hai.. log mere khilaaf saajish kar rahein hai.. am garib rt now.. in fact i wud appreciate if all bloggers wud deposit just 1 USD in my bank account.. its for "Rehabilitation of Bank Account Fund".. kindly donate

crys i expect u 2 be the hero of this programme.. do contribute ur richness!

another brick in the wall said...

i meant MINIMUM 1 USD EACH.. crys.. min 100 USD from u i expect yaa