Sunday, April 08, 2007

Chapter 8: The Devil wears Gocci

Vyasa (V): Like most girls recovering from heartbreak, Devyani decided to focus on socializing instead of brooding at home. One such warm summer afternoon, Devyani was hanging out with princess Sarmishta and her group of friends. After a game of hide-and-seek, the girls decided to cool off by taking a communal bath. Glistening in their sweat, the succulently developed women stripped off their clothes and ran in slow motion towards the calm, soothing water of the river.

Ganapati and Vyasa are lost in image for a minute.

Ganapati (G): *cough* *cough*

V (sheepish grin): Ahem…where were we? Ah, yes. Moving on.

G lowers trunk and resumes writing

V: While the women soaked in the cool water, a swift summer breeze blew by the river and shuffled the clothes lying by the river bank. The women giggled and frolicked in the water to their hearts’ content, and then decided to make their way home. The clothes were sorted out and the bathing beauties covered their assets. Princess Sarmishta noticed that her new designer dress by Gocci was missing.

Sarmishta (S): I am going to be so mad if I find as much as one stitch messed up
Friend 1 (F1): But who could possibly steal it?
Devyani (D) (walks by wearing the Gocci outfit): Ready to leave girls?
S (Gasp!): What the fuck? That’s my dress, bitch!
D (pretends to look astonished): Oh! I must’ve confused my dress with yours.
S: Confused my Gocci dress with your Valmiki-mart rags? Yeah, I would believe that…if you were blind and retarded.
D (in tears): You don’t have to be so mean! You can have your dress back.
S: I am being mean? First, you steal my dress. Then you lie about being confused. I did you a favor by letting you hang out with us A-list socialites and you were the one back-stabbing. Give me my dress back before you ruin it, you filthy low-life fat-ass bitch.
D: Did you just call me fat?
S: No. That would be filthy low-life fat-ass bitch.
D: That’s it!

Devyani lunges on to the princess and goes straight for her hair

G (excited): Catfight!
V: The princess tries to fight back, and in the tackle, there is a distinctive sound of cloth ripping, that is heard across the forest.

S: That better not be my Gocci tearing!

Sure enough, a big gaping hole had made its debut on the otherwise pristine dress.

S: That’s it! You’re going down…the well.
Everyone: Gasp!
D: No. Please. This is all a big mistake. My dad can bring dead people back to life. I am sure he could fix your dress.
S: Clearly you know nothing about fashion if you think your dad can fix a Gocci. Girls, shall we?

The princess and her friends pulled Devyani near a dry well and dumped her into it. Devyani pleaded and cried, but the girls walked back to the palace without her. Devyani whimpered in the dark well all alone, waiting for her dad to find her.

S: We in Vrishaparva take fashion crime seriously, and honey when she put that Gocci on, she asked for trouble. Let that be a lesson for anyone who even thinks to put a scratch on my Gocci. Hell hath no fury like a woman with her Gocci torn
Friend 2 (F2): Yeah, you showed her.

V: Why Ganapati, you are awfully quiet today.
G: Hot naked chicks bathing in the river, catfights…it’s all good. No complaints.
V: Huh! Who knew? Anyway, let’s continue with the story.

Meanwhile in the dry well.

D: It is dark, cold and lonely here…I am beginning to feel claustrophobic…Is that a spider? Aaaaargh!!

Devyani’s shriek reverberated in the forest. As luck would have it, a handsome youth was wandering around in the forest.

Handsome Youth (HY): Why, that sounds like a damsel in distress. Hello! Is somebody there?
D (hoping it is some handsome prince): Help!

The youth follows Devyani’s voice to the well.

D: Thank God! Please rescue me from this death hole.

The youth bends over flexing his taut muscles, and pulls out Devyani from the well. Devyani is struck by the youth’s surfboard abs and charming dimpled smile.

D (clutching the youth’s muscular arms): Oh my, looks like somebody has been working out.
HY: It is getting dark. You should be heading home.

It could be the proximity to the river, or the youth’s charismatic presence, but blinded by infatuation, Devyani proposes to the youth.

G: About time somebody proposed by the river.
V: Unfortunately for Devyani, she had uttered the words that would send any commitment-phobic guy scampering like a scared mouse.

HY: Er…I am not sure. We just met. I hardly know you.
D: Well, that can be fixed. You can know me all you want. The night is still young and so are we.
HY: Look, I am a kshatriya and you are a brahmin girl. Even if our horoscopes match, society would never accept our union. I am sorry, but no can do.
D: I can’t believe you are saying no. It’s my ass, isn’t it?
HY: There’s nothing wrong with your ass…I mean…not that I was looking…I mean…with you…I mean…I have to go now. Bye

The youth scampered away like a terrified mouse. Miffed, heartbroken, and lonely, Devyani made her way home, determined to take her revenge on the princess.

(…to be continued)

22 comments:

Fleiger said...

I agree with G... naked chics bathing, catfights... Hmm...

It got over quite quick :(

Murga said...

Sterling Cry's back in action....grin & drool imagery I liked the slo-mo run into the pool.

cheti said...

You have one seriously mean streak of humour going through you !!!! ROTFL !

But cant help but notice that your episodes on a High (what with "G lowers trunk and resumes writing" ) and then slowly goes downhill !

Make no mistakes : its hilarious alright, but relatively : Its quiet up there when the episode starts and then goes down.

Rockus said...

Pretty Cool! I just hope you wrote the series more often.

DJ said...

awesome and mind blowing once again...

Ranjeet Adkar said...

LOL. I loved this piece:
"Ganapati and Vyasa are lost in image for a minute.
Ganapati (G): *cough* *cough*
V (sheepish grin): Ahem…where were we? Ah, yes. Moving on.
G lowers trunk and resumes writing"

Cruel Intentions said...

"I can’t believe you are saying no. It’s my ass, isn’t it?"

Now something to ruffle more than just a few feathers after the Dog Condoms. Keep it up Girl

parikrama said...

Laugh riot continues.. Great going Crys :))

Soham Pablo said...

Keep 'em coming....Hooray for Mahabharat....

Kausum said...

And you are still delivering your promise of sex and violence! Brilliant! Keep it coming.

Anonymous said...

hell hath no fury like a woman with a gocci torn.

i think you are too good.
-tmww

another brick in the wall said...

i think my cmment dint get published so here again:

G lowers trunk and resumes writing... hehehe

i think we all were lost in the images of naked chicks bathing n cloth-ripping catfight!

oh.. kindly elucidate on the "ass"pect of HY's denial.. how bad can it be yaa? :P

Thalia said...

Excellent Crys! I couldnt stop laughing ever since I started reading it! It's hilarious! I guess we will soon have to coin the superlative word for hilarious!

I have read V S Khandekar's Yayati and when I was comparing it to your version in my mind, I couldnt help giggling all the time!

Crystal blur said...

Fleiger,
It got over quick b'coz time flies when you are having a good time ;)

Murga,
Glad you liked it

Cheti,
It is not my fault...what goes up comes down :p

Rockus,
Can't hurry the creative process...or it will hurt the bouncy coefficient of my post and Cheti won't like it and that would make me upset. It is just not worth it.

Dj,ranjeet,
Bahut bahut dhanyavaad.

CI,
Dog condoms ruffled feathers? When, where? All in good fun.

Parikrama!
Kasa kaay chalay?

Soham,
Hip Hip...hooray

Kausum,
I can't take the credit for sex and violence...it is all Vyasa.

tmww,
Thanks :)

ABITW,
I think IRS is gobbling all your mail...15 April is coming up so they must be on your tail :p
HY is commitment phobic...he doesn't have anything against the ass.

thalia,
May I suggest
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious :)

raghu said...

ya the ass must b of jlo ya.. its branded :D
so its obvious the HY just doesnt want to commit..nothin wrong with the ass :D right?

Fleiger said...

True... Unfortunately...

But hopefully I have some more such scenes to look forward to during Pandava's vanvas

Shag said...

This is getting better and better . . . lol

ROFLMAO at ganpati and vyasa lost in thoughts for a moment :D

Hari Vishnu said...

excellent stuff.. i just cant wait to see what ure gonna write about SHUKRACHARYA and the PURU saga.. i LOVE spoofs..

have any plans of making this a book?..

Anonymous said...

its amazing!!!! keep it up!!! broke into squels of laughter with the "gocci"episode!!!
hey when is draupadi episode coming???? cant wait 4 that!!!

Anonymous said...

Please please please.. write next chapter ASAP.

Rohit said...

Exceptional sence of humor.
Cant wait for more...

Satya said...

"We in Vrishaparva take fashion crime seriously, ..."

actually, vrishaparva wasn't the place where they lived, it was the name of sarmishta's dad, the king of the asuras.